"No don't go out in the dark for evening mass you can pray at home. God will understand."

Maybe i should have gone to church yesterday.
There were a million signs and reminders flashing at my face and yet,
i couldnt get my ass up to walk there.
Fuck.

A mere 10 mins walk.

I think He knew that i needed some guidance. He knew i needed some answers. He knew I needed help.

Now im stuck with dealing with my own problems and dilemmas.
Shit.

I need to ask him if I should follow my head or my heart.
I need to ask him if this is the right choice i'm making.
I need to ask him if I should trust or should i not.

You know the feeling of your heart and your head telling you two completely different things? And then you make a choice and now you dont know if its the right one?
I was standing at a Y-junction, where the left path seemed to lead to a dark gloomy dangerous place, whereas the right path seemed to lead to a bright rainbow-y meadow with horses and unicorns prancing around.

Strangely, my heart was telling me, "OMG TAKE THE DARK PATH. its the right one! Theres something EXCITING there that you cant see but LISTEN LISTEN cant you hear the faint thumping of rock music??? LISTEN! THIS PATH is the one thats made for you!!!!"

And yet obviously my head was telling me, " WTF are you mad want to DIE isit? take the freaking bright road LOOK you KNOW its safe. its the smart choice to make if you want to LIVE."

So I was there, torn, looking both ways, and wondering if i should be following my heart blindly or to take the obviously very safe road.

Straining my ears VERYVERY hard, i was like, 'hey! i think i DO hear rock music! my heart's right! DUDE, this dark shitty road is the one i should be taking!'

And smiling broadly, off i strut down the left road.

Well, i'm still walking down that path, and perhaps its my imagination, but the rock music seems to be getting softer.
I've received more than a few slaps on the face from the gushing wind already.
Several bolts of lightning have struck the gravel right in front of me,
and the growls that i keep hearing from nearby bushes are getting me pretty freaked out.

One or twice, I actually looked back longingly, and thought that maybe,
MAYBE, i should have taken the other path?
The choice that my head was telling me to make seemed pretty logical now that i think about it.
Shit.
DAYUM. I hope my heart was right on this one.
This path doesnt seem that safe man. I think i might i MIGHT actually die here.
Doesn't seem all that promising now.:(

Maybe, I should have gone to church yesterday.

Girls, Girls, Girls
Body Shop and the Marble Arch
Girls, Girls, Girls
Tropicana's where I lost my heart.

 " My abs are aching."
                                       - Maria

Mummy told me it was wrong.
Mummy told me it'll be bad.

Mummy never told me i'll be so sad.

Im so cold and alone here!!!!!!!!!!
I think im definitely going to get raped someday or smth.
i really need someone there for me now. maria aren't you coming down really really really soon? =(

 
I have to COOK leh. COOK.
Nabei I feel like a maid =(. Im not a maid. Im a princess. Im a QUEEN.
I want to go home.
Sniff.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes.
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry.


And please remember that i never lied.
And please remember how i felt inside now honey.
You got to make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar.
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby.


I'll be gone soon. Its really happening.
I'll be missing you.

BEER BOTTLE TREE.
I'm gonna do one this Christmas.

Except on my tree, the bottles would be FULL.
Then we can drown all those in one shot.
Now, THATS what I call a  real celebration baby!

Maria Juang and Renee died on the reverse bungee today.
Please let us have a moment of silence.
Maria: HA.